Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

I am the windshield today. Even with the sleep I finally got from the other night, here I am today feeling like I'm at death's door.

I don't feel sick or anything (though I am sick and tired, heh), but I feel dead, kind of helpless... subject to huge ups (moving) and huge downs (not moving today). I am gobsmacked with annoyances that I am not able to get rid of.

The humid weather messes me up. Makes me more tired than I usually am (which is really tired) and saps any energy I may soak up during the day.

I hate Summer! I really do. OK, so it's nice, sunny, flowers bloom and stuff, but so what.. I freaking hate flowers! Keep your sucky flowers nature!

Give me a warm day... sure. It's not so bad when it's just warm, but why humid? Who does that help? NO ONE, that's who. I hate it. Pets hate it. Old people hate it.

One could argue that without heat, we couldn't swim, but screw that! That's what indoor pools are for. Also, warm isn't the same as humid.

The way the weather keeps going from OK to humid is bad for all of us. It makes me long for winter. Even though, once winter starts, I have to listen to everyone complain about the cold or the snow. And if it doesn't snow, then I gotta listen to people complain about the fact that there'll be no White Christmas. Can't have it both ways, folks.

Guess I can't either though... since Summer is the time for humid.

Bleh!

Poundin' that snooze button with abandon

I am tired. ALL the time.

I. AM. TIRED.

I go to bed early most of the time and yet I still have trouble getting up in the morning. Not trouble as in I sleep through my alarm, but as in having the hardest time bringing myself to get out of bed. Getting out of bed means out from under warm blankets and into the cold (even if it really isn't all that cold). I don't want to do it. Period.

It's not because I hate my job (I don't). It's not because I cringe at the long commute ahead of me (I totally killed that problem thanks to a fire and some panic). It's not because I am lazy (though, I totally am, but that's only in regards to house-cleaning).

It's due in large part to the fact that I am anemic thanks to the stupid Crohn's, but I've been given TONS of advice on how to manage both... and wonder of wonders, I'm actually religiously following said advice... however, I feel MORE tired.

I'm really stumped on what the hell else to do for some energy.

To DO's:

Get iron!
check

Exercise!
check.. only feeling so tired, it's harder.

Make sure my meals are more complete!
check.. sort of. After my 2nd stomach infection in a year and a half, I was told that fiber = bad for my intestines so I'm off fiber for a month.. meaning virtually no vegetables and only a few types of fruit allowed... no brown bread either, but that's not a hardship at all. It's a temporary thing, of course... and I'm not even sure veggies give you energy anyway (could be wrong.. dunno!). So I'm making my meals more complete in spite of being banned from a few things.

Energy drinks!
Sort of check.. ensure or boost type drinks. I am thankful that the dietitian didn't mean Red Bull or somesuch because YUCK. Pfff... I think I'd rather be dead tired than drink that sugar piss. Blargh!

So.. I am trying everything I've been told by experts and everything I can think of on my own and nothing's really working. My energy levels are pathetic and my desire to sleep so much deepens.

I used to be so hyper. I still am in a way, but I'll go all wide-eyed and jazzed and then fizzle out 10 minutes later. Very very frustrating!

Procrastination station...

Twice in the past 2 weeks I have wanted to set aside time with the man to work on my school project with me (because I need help!). Twice I've been too sleepy, too uninspired or too interested in some other thing to get busy and work on it.

It's late... VERY late. I'm having a lot of trouble with it, so I believe that the motivation's lacking because the ability is lacking. Oh well.. hence needing the man to help. The freaking thing is reasonably close to being finished, too.. so it's somewhat annoying that I can't get any further on my own. Grrrrrr. Thank god I'm dating a programmer, or I'd have lost it by now!

Not only that, but the last bit of September and most of last month have left me struggling to stay awake... or at even motivated to stay awake. This month has been all about catching up, which is something I can't seem to do where school is concerned.

Sucks, but true.

There's a lot of stuff I want to do (hey, that kinda sounds like motivation), but I never get around to it. Not so much because I'm too busy, but because I'm too beat (that motivation lasted a whole 5 seconds, bad bad sign).

I've been saying, "Oh, next week.. for sure" for about 3 weeks now.

Wish me luck!

4 a.m., awake. Why god why?

Why am I waking up @ 4 a.m. every-friggen-day? Why can't I sleep until my alarm goes off @ 6:15 a.m.?

Is there some cosmic reason that I can't?

WTF?

Exhausted...

It didn't go away. I'm flat out dead tired. The first day was utterly boring. Thankfully, it's a short week, having started on Wednesday!

There are 2 real blowhards at this place for me to have as co-workers. Oy!

Also, just out of curiousity.. is leaving someone hanging.. wondering what the deal is acceptable these days? If so, what monumental moron decided this? I'd like to meet them, then kill them a lot.