I put a curse on you...

Ever feel cursed?

I do all the time. I'll get some good news or some sort of good luck for a little and then suddenly something bad happens or something that - while it doesn't really relate at all to the previous good luck or good news - it does bring me all sorts of hassle and annoyance.

This is the story of my life.

Semi-recent example:

This time last year I was 4 days into my new living in a new apartment in LaSalle. I had also just started my current job on this day, a year ago AND I also had a bit of savings started.

Things were really swimming upstream.

Sept 19th. One month and one week later... my new apartment building is partially gutted by a fire.

My choices are to camp out with family for the 5 or 6 months it took to get the building renovated and then move back into the place or ask to be let out of the lease and take this opportunity (borne first from fear of the fire - going back in the apt - and then from my horrendous commute) to move closer to my office.

I chose get out of my lease and move near work. Which meant that I paid for a move twice in just over a month. Bye bye savings!

So I get good stuff sometimes.. I even get to keep the good stuff more or less... but I never EVER get good stuff without a nice huge dose of bad stuff. Which means, I never EVER get to enjoy the good for very long before something happens.

I know the balance of good and bad is supposed to be equal... but from where I sit... it doesn't seem to be.

Maybe this comment is wholly unnecessary... but this week is:

Shittiest. Week. EVER!

Ouch! Damnit!

Big snow storm here. Not a big deal for traveling in my case because I walk to work. It's not all that cold out considering it is snow stormin' and all, but it's a tad windy. Doesn't sound too bad though does it? Ah, but the snow is mixed with teeny tiny frozen ice pellets that sting like a bitch hitting your face.

My face hurts now... specifically my cheeks. *whine*

Try try try...

I've been thinking a lot about the relationships I've had. Very few of them have been good for me. It's possible that while I think they started out good for me. They may not have EVER been good for me. I might have been terribly delusional about the whole thing.

I've never really been after marriage although I am not exactly opposed to it, per se. It's not a priority, but it's certainly not an impossibility either. For the right one, it'd probably be very good, indeed. However, no such person has presented himself to me. Nor has the universe revealed any such man.

Once upon a time, I was 21 and I thought such a man had dropped in my lap (ok, I was set up with him, really). The chemistry was phenomenal. He was smart, fun and funny, attractive and seemed to think all those things about me. Clicking isn't nearly a good enough adjective to describe what we did. As time when by (about 6 mos. to be exact), he proposed. I answered yes and there I was... engaged and part of me didn't even know why. I don't mean to make it sound like I got carried away and said yes when I didn't want to. Or that he got carried away and asked because that's not how it felt at the time. I said yes and I did mean it.

Eventually, however... maybe 2 years later, I really wondered why he proposed. There was never any wedding planning done. At first, we both felt that since we'd gotten engaged so quick, that a long engagement was on the menu. It made perfect sense at the time and families were on that bandwagon, so my spidey-sense wasn't tingling at all. I'll assume his wasn't either. One thing I never wondered about was whether or not he loved me.

After year number 3, I think I pretty much knew marriage wasn't gonna happen, but I stuck around for almost another 2 years. No, I don't really know why. I don't think I feared being alone, but I do think it made no sense to walk away from someone who loved me, and someone my family and friends really seemed to love, too. I didn't know then how wrong I was.

On both counts.

After that ended (obviously without a wedding), marriage became even less of a priority, though I was not turned off of the idea. I was just not giving it any thought with anyone who I got involved with after him.

No one was bad husband material or bad in any way. An while marriage was brought up once or twice by those who followed him, nothing ever came of it. I was fine with this. Again, I assume they were too.

Lately though... as I look back on my relationships, I notice a theme. None of them are all that bad, but there's always some sort of issue. There's me not wanting to get too involved. Or them not wanting to get too involved. Or it's too complicated for some reason (usually their reasons). Maybe it wasn't the right time.

I don't want a lot. Not looking specifically for marriage and not looking AT ALL to start a family with anyone. I'd rather step into an already created family (IE: step-kids) as I'm just not a baby-maker. I'm not looking to be showered with gifts. Or to be treated like a princess. I'm not looking for movie-style love. I'm not interested in drama, either.

What I do want is someone as interested in me as I am in them. I'm looking for the odd "I love you!" and the actions that back that shit up. I'm looking to tell someone that I love them and then going on myself to back that shit up. I want someone I can talk to. I want someone to go places with.. someone to do groceries with me (because I hate it).

Stupid as it seems... that's hard to find and I don't understand why.

You are what you search? God I hope not!

Searches that have been bringing people to my site:

"famous guys with tight pants"
"britney's crotch"
"britney crotch scar"
"paparazzi female crotch pix"
"britney girly bits"
"britney no undies"
"seinfled what did he say"
"johnny depp"
"gerard butler"
"robert downey junior"
"Jake Gyllenhaal"

I imagine the folks doing the crotch searches were pretty peeved at me upon arrival here.

HEH.

Well... since my visit counts went up thanks to Britney's girl parts post, I think I may post about other celebs girl parts (or boy parts) just for the hits. Shameless, I know. Probably immature, too.

Maybe people will even comment. Likely, I imagine some of those comments will go something like this, "You BITCH! Where are the snatch pics?!".

What is the deal??

Y'all are searching for Britney's crotch photos, ya dirty birds. Stop that! If only I'd known.

On the plus side, maybe some of you who land here aren't overly annoyed that I didn't post any of her naughty bits and you stick around and read me.

Procrastination station...

Twice in the past 2 weeks I have wanted to set aside time with the man to work on my school project with me (because I need help!). Twice I've been too sleepy, too uninspired or too interested in some other thing to get busy and work on it.

It's late... VERY late. I'm having a lot of trouble with it, so I believe that the motivation's lacking because the ability is lacking. Oh well.. hence needing the man to help. The freaking thing is reasonably close to being finished, too.. so it's somewhat annoying that I can't get any further on my own. Grrrrrr. Thank god I'm dating a programmer, or I'd have lost it by now!

Not only that, but the last bit of September and most of last month have left me struggling to stay awake... or at even motivated to stay awake. This month has been all about catching up, which is something I can't seem to do where school is concerned.

Sucks, but true.

There's a lot of stuff I want to do (hey, that kinda sounds like motivation), but I never get around to it. Not so much because I'm too busy, but because I'm too beat (that motivation lasted a whole 5 seconds, bad bad sign).

I've been saying, "Oh, next week.. for sure" for about 3 weeks now.

Wish me luck!

Long time no.. well.. anything

Been a busy Summer!

All moved and mostly asshole free! My super's pretty much a complete tool, but I'll avoid.

New job! Bit of a problem at the old one. What kind of problem, you ask? (Ok, you didn't ask, but I'm pretendin that you did.. so nyah!)

Legal problems. See.. I did't think their business practices were too hot, so I dug a little. Turns out that the stomach churning I've had... the nagging feeling... the incredibe guilt... were not for nothin. They may skate on the legal side, but what they're doing is wrong. Period.

Thankfully... I was offered another gig... during the damn interview itself, no less.. and I snapped it up.

The location of the new gig requires me to get up even earlier that I had been, but while I am exhausted.... IN THE EXTREME... I can't really say that it ain't worthwhile.

I am gonna have to look into getting a car soon though... a license would work, too.

Flesh eating virus...

Well... computer eating anyway.

I've gone and gotten myself a friggen virus. Hope it can be fixed!