That's gonna leave a mark!

As I shaved my legs Sunday night, I was startled to find that my legs are spotted with an inordinate amount of bruises. Further inspection alerted me to a similar situation on my arms.

There is an odd bruise on the inside of my upper arm. Well... really, it's about the size of a pen (with the cap on). It's a perfectly round pen-sized bruise. Weird. Am I trying to jam pens into the inside of my upper arms without realizing it?

For the last 15 years or so, I've been the worst klutz. I don't know how this happened. 

There was a time when (as a child) I figure skated and did ballet and furthermore, there was also a time when I never ever walked into walls, doorways or door knobs. I can barely recall that time now, mind you. Though I do know… and can even get family members to swear… that I wasn’t always the walking accident I’ve turned into.

Is it possible to de-klutz-ify?

Things I have read this week... and things I've been craving

1. Drink more water. And it's a good idea to put lemon in it, too.

I am a soda freak. Diet soda, no less. Probably the worst for me. It's entirely possible that I am far better off drinking the non-diet sodas. I don't drink diet soda because I'm dieting either. I just find regular soda way too sweet. The diet kinds are just the right amount of sweet.

Realistically, I should cut down on my soda drinking. I already have, but I am thinking I should cut down more. Two years ago, I would get caffeine withdrawal headaches if I didn't drink any soda during the day. I don't get those anymore. Yay me!

Oh and I almost always put lemon in water. Supposedly, it cleans you out a little bit.

2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep.

Yeah. It's not as if I don't try. If I go to bed at 11 p.m. (and most nights, I do), there's no guarantee that I'll fall asleep right away. I really hate when that happens, too. Pffft.

3. Put fruit in a bowl on your counter.

Right. And then say hello to all the damned fruit flies when you inevitably forget all about that fruit. And yes, I am speaking from experience. I'll keep it in the fridge, thanks. I'd rather risk forgetting it's there and have to chuck it than risk having to chuck it AND trying to kill all the very reproduce-y fruit flies.

Cravings:

Watermelon, fennel (which I just bought today) and a nice glass of scotch on the rocks.

At least 2 of the 3 are healthy. Progress!

It's fun to play at the Y-M-C-A...

I joined the Y. Y? Because I want to swim. I NEED to swim.

Swim. Get in shape. Do something other than work, housecleaning, sleeping and laying on the couch. Well... I'll still lay on the couch, but it'll be AFTER swimming instead of RATHER THAN swimming.

I will make an appointment for an orientation type of tour on Monday, if possible as I've already gotten lost in there once and I hadn't even signed up yet. I can always be counted on to get lost, walk into something or break something.

I hope my swim suit still fits.

Diet Pill Trial

Let's not shit ourselves - In Which We Convince Our Friend To Try Alli

Hilarious. I am gonna follow up next week, for certain.

Using alli™...

You may get:

* gas with oily spotting
* loose stools
* more frequent stools that may be hard to control

From myalli.com

I have to wonder why anyone would want to use this. I'd rather be fat than have to worry about the "You may get" part of the deal.

People are crazy!

File under, "Duh"

So diets do not work. Go figure.

Funny that scientists just really decided what women (and probably some men, too) have known for an eternity.

"Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people."

When you go up and down in weight for extended periods of time, you're doing far more harm to yourself than you would have done just staying fat. Most folks involved in this study gained back any weight they'd lost.

What does work?

Not super-sizing @ McD's, not loading up on junkfood everyday, not laying around doing nothing and just eating normal-sized meals as opposed to eating as if it is your last meal ever.

Move. Walk. Run/Jog... if you can. Swim. Chase your pets around the park or apartment even (or let them chase you). Take the stairs more often than you take the elevator/escalator. Take up a sport. Dance around your house with the curtains closed when no one is home (yeah, I do that one a LOT). Buy a few workout DVDs and do them.. alternating to avoid boredom a few times a week.

It really doesn't take that much effort and if a constantly-tired, anemic, lazy choc-o-holic like me can do it... then y'all can do it, too!

To eat or not to eat....

Eating is turning into an adventure.

Firstly, I never quite know for sure if what I'm about to ingest will nail me, prompting me into a fetal position and begging for morphine. Oh sure, there are a few safe bets on what won't anger the Intestine Gods, but a lot of times, I am risking it. Many a healthy edible have laid waste to my insides (ok... extreme, but that's what it feels like), so the sage advise that everyone I know offers me - "Don't eat junkfood" - can tend to be not so helpful.

Doctors and dietitians have filled my brain with yes's and no's, but do admit that in many ways, it's trial & error. I'm on my own for meal-planning. If I need tests or prescriptions, they have my back, but otherwise...

Breakfast has quite literally turned into a free-for-all. As a girl who spent her teenage years (and then some) skipping breakfast entirely, having to now make that the "Big Meal" of the day really just gives me chest pain. I know it wasn't healthy to skip breakfast, but I love to sleep. So much so, that I got up at the very last possible second for school (now for work), leaving myself time only for hygiene. Also, I found that eating breakfast only succeeded in making me ravenously hungry all bloody day. Now I know that was because I wasn't eating ENOUGH.

What? I know... when the dietitian told me that based on my answers to her detailed questions about my eating habits I was floored. *I* don't eat enough? Well... it appears that I don't.

Who knew that dry cereal wasn't "enough"? (Not a big milk fan, you know, unless there's chocolate/strawberry powder in it). Toast isn't a breakfast? Who knew what while a bagel is good, it's nowhere near complete? Who knew that skipping it altogether in favor of sleeping in was probably why I needed so much freaking sleeping in?

No really, I am not as stupid as I must sound. Promise.

I am certainly one of those women who worries constantly about over-eating. I always think that I am. I have ALWAYS felt very tired and run down. Fifteen years (or more) of skipping meals does that to a girl, I suppose.

Secondly, I AM LAZY. I do not like to cook. This limits my options. But for breakfast, cooking isn't real necessary.

Now breakfast takes me about 2 hours to eat. Hah! Not always, but close because I bring it to work and eating & working all at once doesn't really ever go well. The eating always gets pushed aside for a bit.

I still do the toast or bagel thing some days, but there's fruit. There's still dry cereal. There's orange juice. There's milk (powder, too... so there's even sugar... woot!). There's yogurt. There can be eggs, but those are more of a weekend thing. There's lots of water so there's also lots of exercise because I'm running up and downstairs to the can every 20 minutes. Once in awhile there are muffins or banana bread (I don't bake them, FYI). Once or twice a week, there is even cream of wheat because this girl needs iron BAD.

Sometimes there's even jell-o.

Lunch and supper are way smaller and generally less time-consuming & guilt-inducing.

I think I'm finally eating properly and I think it will help, but... of course, I still think I'm eating too much. I mean read all that. To me, still... though I only have about 4 or 5 of any of the above in one sitting, I'm still plagued by this paranoia that I'm over-doing it.

I wonder if that'll ever go away or if breakfast will always be this way?

Crapola!!

I spent this past weekend in the hospital courtesy of Crohn's again. So not how I want to spend weekends. I was let out, but under protest by the Emergency doctor... he only agreed to send me home because A) I practically begged and B) I'd had a previous appointment with my specialist in a few days anyway... seeing that specialist was the main reason he was gonna make me stay in the hospital.

Thanks but no thanks... seriously. I'd rather sleep in my own bed... or try to anyway. I still feel like shit, but the excrutiating pain that prompted the trip to the hospital is now gone.

I got home Sunday evening still having some mild pain... a big improvement actually. I spent that night trying to sleep, but had no luck. All I did was lilsten to the noises my stomach made. I had a bit better luck sleeping last night... although, the stomach noises still woke me a bunch of times.

Lately, that hospital doesn't let me leave without forcing me to eat their nasti-rific food. It's like a test... if I can tolerate their food without getting sick, they'll let me leave. It's ironic actually. Everything they serve is either too sweet, too salty or too cardboard-y... so I can't win. I tough it out and eat what I can... (thankfully, they tend to only give me liquids) and smile through my desire to puke... ham it up about how much better I feel even though while I normally become very upset at throwing up... it's now become something I long to do... which is due ONLY to the foulness I've just had to swallow and then get the hell out of there.

Poundin' that snooze button with abandon

I am tired. ALL the time.

I. AM. TIRED.

I go to bed early most of the time and yet I still have trouble getting up in the morning. Not trouble as in I sleep through my alarm, but as in having the hardest time bringing myself to get out of bed. Getting out of bed means out from under warm blankets and into the cold (even if it really isn't all that cold). I don't want to do it. Period.

It's not because I hate my job (I don't). It's not because I cringe at the long commute ahead of me (I totally killed that problem thanks to a fire and some panic). It's not because I am lazy (though, I totally am, but that's only in regards to house-cleaning).

It's due in large part to the fact that I am anemic thanks to the stupid Crohn's, but I've been given TONS of advice on how to manage both... and wonder of wonders, I'm actually religiously following said advice... however, I feel MORE tired.

I'm really stumped on what the hell else to do for some energy.

To DO's:

Get iron!
check

Exercise!
check.. only feeling so tired, it's harder.

Make sure my meals are more complete!
check.. sort of. After my 2nd stomach infection in a year and a half, I was told that fiber = bad for my intestines so I'm off fiber for a month.. meaning virtually no vegetables and only a few types of fruit allowed... no brown bread either, but that's not a hardship at all. It's a temporary thing, of course... and I'm not even sure veggies give you energy anyway (could be wrong.. dunno!). So I'm making my meals more complete in spite of being banned from a few things.

Energy drinks!
Sort of check.. ensure or boost type drinks. I am thankful that the dietitian didn't mean Red Bull or somesuch because YUCK. Pfff... I think I'd rather be dead tired than drink that sugar piss. Blargh!

So.. I am trying everything I've been told by experts and everything I can think of on my own and nothing's really working. My energy levels are pathetic and my desire to sleep so much deepens.

I used to be so hyper. I still am in a way, but I'll go all wide-eyed and jazzed and then fizzle out 10 minutes later. Very very frustrating!

Waiting, waiting.. still waiting... um what am I waiting for again? OH Right!

Since Sunday morning, I've spent an awful lot of time at the hospital.

I've got Crohn's Disease and after a really nasty stomach infection a year and a half ago, I got stuck with yet another one. However, because I didn't ignore this one for over a month (moron.. party of one.. your table is ready!), I ended up not being as sick. Even though I was in a hell of a lot of pain - doesn't really matter how advanced or not-at-all-advanced an intestinal infection is.. it still hurts like a MOFO - I'm not in as bad shape as last year and I'll be able to bounce back a lot faster.

Proof... I'm only about 2.5 days into my anti-biotics and I feel 1000 times better already.

I also came to find out that if the diet my doctor plans to put me on doesn't help a whole lot, there is at least some medication out there to help keep me from going through this each year. I didn't know that before. One of the drawbacks of the medication is that it causes nausea... but... (trumpets blowing happily)... not in me... Woo WOO!.

The doctors, nurses & techs at the hospital are pretty great.. even if they do make you wait forever and ever. And even if they poke you over and over with needles trying hard to get blood from you and missing. I swear... every nurse that came near me Sunday and especially yesterday, had to try at least 2 times. One had to try 3 times... he thankfully gave up... because my left hand still hurts and I probably look like a heroin addict with all the trackmarks I have.

The admin. staff, however... not even a little great. I ended up having to spend an extra day there all because the admissions bozos refused to give me my file... as I was instructed by the tech that did a scan requested by a doctor I saw. Originally, before the tech read the doctor's instructions... she told me just to make an appointment in a few days for the results. She told me after the scan... "oh bad news... you have to stay and see the doctor today. We can't let you leave yet" and told me where to go (back to emergency) and what to say when I got there ("Give me my file, I have to hand it off to the Triage Nurse, who will hand it off to the doctor").

The fuzz-mouthed bitches at the admissions desk refused to give me my file, in spite of the instructions I repeated back to them (at least 3 times or so)... from a tech who knew way more about what I needed to do than these geniuses did. After 10 minutes of politely, yet likely morphine-fuelled arguing, I got pissed off and decided to go follow the tech's original instructions and just make an appointment with what turned out to be a much friendlier clerk who didn't even argue with me once when I asked if she could set up the appointment for really really soon.

No one likes a quitter...

But I quit smoking anyway.

Yesterday was my first day without a cigarette (well.. without a cigar actually. I stopped smoking actual cigarettes in favor of those mini-flavored cigars at least a year ago).

It didn't go too badly either. I wasn't super-crabby or jonesing too much, but I suspect that crap will start pretty soon.

We'll see if I can manage or if I cave.

When I want a smoke, I've been staring at the photos of the guys on my sexy list down below. Not that hot guys make me not want to smoke anymore, but for a few minutes, I do manage to forget I am a smoker trying not to smoke.

It's not overly hard to distract me, obviously.

UPDATE: I caved already. Although, I only had a grand total of 2 smokes yesterday. That's about 6 to 8 less than I usually have!

Yikes...

After 7 hours at the hospital, I'm told I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys. Weird that my stomach would hurt when it's my kidneys that are screwed, but apparently... that's the way it goes. It's not my stomach that hurts, even though it is.

So I got anti-biotics & pain-killers. All I can say about the pain-killers is.. WOW. They work, big time. Probably last about 10 hours or so, too. Nice cuz my stomach (my kidneys, actually) really freaking hurt.

Sneeze #8167

I have a cold. My head might explode.

Woo woo..!

I hit a milestone last week. I reached the goal weight I'd set.

It didn't seem/feel so obvious as of Thrusday and Friday night, (which is aproximately when it happened) due to incredible bloatedness from my period, but once that little red bugger left me... it was on! Erm.. well.. it was OFF actually.

I've known for awhile that I was really close to the goal because everything is loose, but I didn't see an difference. Even as late as Friday night, I was telling the dude that I didn't see the weight loss and asking if he could see it. He says, 'Yes.. I see it because I don't see you everyday. You see yourself everyday, so you would only see DRASTIC changes'.

Getting dressed Sunday morning and then this morning changed everything. I CAN absolutely see it now and I'm thrilled as hell.

I had made 3 goals. Small ones thinking (apparently rightly so, too) that a set of small goals would be easier than 1 large goal. So now, I am onto the next goal.

I got to goal Numero Uno within 2 months, so maybe the next one will come up as fast. And then the last. That'd be less than 6 months.

Oh and also, I ADORE wearing pants that were tight on me just a mere 2 wks ago, which I am now starting to SWIM in.

Rockin!