Dear neighbor...

Piss off!

Yeah, that's what I said.

I "close the door too hard in the morning" when I head off to work? Yeah right. Living in the same building as me, you may have noticed that our front doors are almost heavy enough to close by themselves, so it takes very little effort from me to close my door as I walk out. So that's how little effort I expend.

So NO, shithead, I don't plan to make less noise leaving in the morning because I'm not making any noise. You being a piss poor light sleeper is SO not my problem anyway. By the way, most people "still sleeping" at about 8:20 a.m. are retired or unemployed and you're too young to be retired, dipshit.

If you work nights and sleep days, buy a freaking clue and get earplugs, because sorry ass-face... people are up and about in the morning. Do you bitch at everyone around us for leaving their apartment too loudly, too? You probably do, due to the aforementioned ass-facery.

The reason I know that you're an ass-face, aside from the obvious, is because when I turned to open the door to the lobby and realized that you were talking to me (whining actually, but whatever)... I pretty much ignored you because I realized that a) you're probably an ass-face and b) I don't make extraneous noise leaving my apartment. Your complaints about being woken up by me had to be bullshit and I know this because after I ignored you, you came out on your balcony in -25 weather to yell at me as I crossed the parking lot. I'm no noise expert, but I'd bet cold hard cash that you woke up some old or unemployed people with that stunt.

Assface.

I don't slam my door in the morning, but I gotta tell ya... I'm totally considering it now.