Crazy...

A lot of men think women are crazy. Many men love & interact with women anyway, but they just keep that thought in the back of their minds during the friendship, relationship, sexual arrangement... whatever.

There's a percentage of men who will actively avoid women completely based on that "women are crazy" theory. Ok, well.. THEORY my ass.. let's face it. It's fact. Women ARE crazy.

Ya-ya.. exceptions to every rule.. so on and so on. And oh, "some women are crazy in a good way.. don't forget that". Yeah, I won't. STFU! No one cares about the good ways in which women are crazy because those ways don't scare or annoy men. Or anyone else, for that matter.

I totally understand why men think we're all crazy. Yeah. Kind of sucks when a WOMAN agrees that women are crazy, doesn't it? For women anyway.. the men just feel vindicated.

Why does a member of the fairer sex agree with men? You might wonder if I'm sucking up to men here, but I'm not. Many of the same little CRAZY things women do that annoy the men-folk, annoys the stuffing outta me, too.

A list, examples & proof that women are crazy:

1) We ask incredibly leading & stupid questions that have no answers that will please us.

I think that this is the worst possible thing a woman can do. "Do I look fat in this dress?"... do you honestly think a man's going to tell someone he loves or even likes, "Why yes.. you do look fat in that.. since you ask." There's nothing he can respond with that won't make a woman angry because she doesn't want the truth, she wants a compliment. Some of the needier members of my gender do this type of questioning repeatedly throughout the damned day. If she wanted the truth, she'd have asked her girlfriends.. and even then.. she's still probably fishing.

If by some miracle, a man actually has an opinion on your ensemble that is a bit more detailed than, "Hey, you look nice" lap it the hell up. Even if he says something like, "Nice outfit, but I dunno if I like orange on you.. too bright". I should think it obvious that he's giving his comments some thought and that a sane woman would not be offended. But I'd be wrong. She'd probably flip out on him. Even though he didn't insult her.. he just doesn't like the color.

Do you think she'd have flipped out if one of her girlfriends said that? Hard to say.. we are crazy, after all.

The ridiculous meanness of asking someone a no-good-answer type of question never seems to occur to women either or they just don't care (which either makes them cruel or stupid - neither of which are good). Why put someone you claim to care about in a position where 96% of any answers he gives you will piss you off? How do otherwise intelligent women not even consider this? Why are you testing him in this STUPID way when there are so many other important types of "tests" you should be putting each other through (like determining if any part of the couple would cheat or beat on the other part of it, for example.. you know.. something way more important than how your fat ass looks.. yeah, I said that. If you need to ask, your ass probably DOES look big).

Also, just note.. asking a guy questions like this clues him into the fact that you're batshit insane almost immediately, honey. You're not being sneaky and covert, measuring his love for you by these fucked up standards, you're being a tool.

2) A lot of us are so very willing to be something we're not to get a guy.

He's a squash fanatic. You're a biker. You forget your brains on your bike seat and try to pretend like you're a squash fan, too. Complete with lies about how you're an avid player. Nevermind that he's VERY likely to notice that you TOTALLY BLOW at squash. Also, nevermind that had you NOT pretended to be Queen of the Squash Courts, he might've fallen totally in love with you in spite of sqaushlessness. Oh.. don't forget to nevermind the fact that admitting you know next to nothing about squash, but are genuinely open to trying it out if he's open to showing you the ropes.. and perhaps you'd thrill him later with the finer points of biking.. might've spoke VOLUMES to him about how much YOU liked HIM and gives him the opportunity to do something that most men LOVE.. to show off. Oh yeah.. and be the hot teacher-type for a new potential girlfriend.. teacher's pet, etc.. Ok, imagination. Stop.

Pretending always backfires.. which leads me to something similar.

Oh wait for it...

3) Faking orgasms.

I could live to be 8,000 yrs old and I'll never ever never ever get this. You fake. He comes. Read those two little non-sentences OUT LOUD one more time. Let them sink in. Can you see who lost out here? No, here's a clue... it wasn't him. He HAD an orgasm Miss Fakey-Faker!

Yeah.. ok, he's been at it awhile now and I'm sore and I'm tired.. blah blah blah.. If you didn't really wanna mess around in the first place, don't agree to. If you did, but it's starting to hurt.. TELL HIM. Unless he's a complete jerk, he's not gonna keep going (if he is a jerk, push his dumb ass off you and show him the door.. jerks shouldn't be allowed to come.. not in you anyway. Shame on you anyway for boffing a jerk!). If his moves are just not doing it for you anymore, take over.. he's not exactly going to complain!

That's all I got time for right now. Just know that the list is indeed LONG.